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Friday, February 5, 2016

Trudeau Will Appoint New Minister of "Munchies and Chill”

As the journey towards marijuana legalization continues, PM Justin Trudeau is faced with a hard question: what will Canadians do once they’ve smoked up? Earlier this week, Mr. Trudeau created the cabinet position of Minister of Munchies and Chill and appointed Marcus J Greene of Vancouver to handle all issues related to being stoned in Canada.

“As marijuana comes closer to being legalized, we’re working hard to create services for people to use while high,” says Greene. “We’ve got teams in every province getting stoned and compiling a list of their favourite things to do, and from our research so far we’ve found that doing pretty much anything is immensely enjoyable when you are toking.”

“How many times you been having a session with the boys and your lighter gets stolen? That’s going to be a federal crime under omnibus Bill C-420,” says Greene. Also included in the bill, personally authored by Greene, is a list titled “Totally Awesome Songs to Listen to”. It is simply a tracklist for Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon”.

“We want a bean bag chair on every street corner, man,” says Greene. “We also want to make it legal to use Doritos as currency, but only when buying more Doritos.”

“Seriously man,” states a placated Greene, “you ever just go out and lamp in a field and watch the clouds? You ever been chilling with the guys and had a really great chat about life? That’s the sort of experience I want to bring to Canada. My staff and I are going to work our hardest on managing all issues related to chilling and snacking while high. Right after I pack this bowl.”

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